Gone Too Soon March 29, 1995 Dear Rose Ann, ….. Bayaan mo Rosie pangako ko sa iyo dadalaw ako dito sa school. Pero make sure na kilala mo pa ako at papansinin pag pumunta ako sa SMS. ….. Rosie I will never ever forget you. Even though I'm in the other school or until the end of my life or world. You’re still my Best friend. ….. Friends they come in Friends they go Nothing really lasts Forever ever ….. Bye Bye my True Friend Truly yours, Tam-Tam Summer Kae T. Dela Cruz Summer was my very best friend in grade school until her sister had to tag her along when the latter left SMS for high school. Our communication lines were cut after that. It was really sad. I tried looking for ways to get in touch with her when I was in highschool. But, I was unsuccessful. Until, 4 years ago, I received a shocking text message. My very dear friend has died. Yes, Summer Kae (I changed the spelling of my sister’s nick to be like hers), left this vale even before entering college. Intelligent as she was, she passed PLM and would have graduated by now. Would have…. When I came to Rizal Funeral, her sole sister instantly recognized me. She came to me with tears in her eyes. I swear I was so near in breaking down when she uttered that Summer had long wanted to contact me especially while she was confined in the hospital. She said that they would even read my last letter to her and recall it with sooo much fondness. The letter above contains parts of her letter to me. (kakakilabot how she wrote that letter and the next time I see her, she’s dead na) I miss her and how I wished I were beside her while she was suffering from her cancer pains. Haaay…. She was the younger of two siblings. An intelligent person nonetheless, a good daughter and one of the best friends one could encounter. And even after four years, and more years of no communication, reading her letter brushes me with sadness.

survey...

Just thought of answering one of the surveys from friendster…

34 questions under d sun!
1.dO u LovE uRseLf?

> YUH

2.ur greates fear?

> DEATH OF MY LOVED ONES
3.what do u hate about urself?

> ‘LAMPA’
4.LovE tO sinG?

> YES!

5.the person on ur mind?

> HONEYPIE, I'm READING HER ANSWERS WHILE EDITING IT FOR POSTING
6.y is he/she on ur mind?

> NYAK, EXCITED! ANSWERED IT ALREADY
7.do u love him/her (see number 5)?

> YES :P

8.ud rather receive wat dan wat?

> CHOCOLATES THAN FLOWERS, HEHE
9.chocolates & flowers or stuff toy & flowers?

> CHOCOLATES AND STUFF TOY! HEHE, PERO BETWEEN CHOCOLATES AND STUFF TOY, I’D PREFER…(NEED I ANSWER) CHOCOLATES!!!
10. rule/s u alwys follow wen giving gift 2 dopposite sex?

> RULES?! SHOULD THERE BE ANY RULES?!
11. do u fall easily?

> HMMM… LET’S JUST SAY THAT WHEN I FALL, I FALL HARD
12. marry perfect friend or marry perfect friend??

> HUH?!

13.night or day?

> NIGHT

14.mUsiCiaN oR PoLitiCiaN?

> MUSICIAN, BABY! HEHE
15.do u LovE kiDs or babies?

> BABIES
16.a gUy/GiRl oLdEr THan U oR yOungER tHanu?

> WAHAHA!!! NATAWA KO. I DON’T HAVE PREFERENCE ANYMORE. BASTA MATURE
17.romance or comedy?

> COMEDY (BUT NOT TOO SHALLOW)
18.watch movie w/ friends or w/ gf/ bf?

> FRIEND DIN NAMAN ANG BOYFRIEND AH? HAHA, I'M BEING NAIVE

19.truth or dare??

> DARE (TAKOT AKO)
20.love or lust?

> DUH?! LOVE!
21.dO yOu bELeiVe in maGic?

> MALAMANG LANG…
22.sUn rise or sunset?

> SUNRISE

23.moon or stars??

> STARS

24.fruits or veggies?

> ABHOR VEGGIES!

25.vOdKa oR rEd winE?

> VODKA ICE, HEHE. PERO BETWEEN VODKA TONIC OR RED WINE, RED WINE!

26.fries & burger or rice & steak?

> STEAK AND FRIES!

27.read or watch movie?

> WATCH!!!

28.wat is ur favorite song?

> ANGEL BY SARAH MACLACHLAN
29.one song u wud want ur love to sing for u?

> SECRET! HEHE
30.y did u chus dat song(see number 29)?

> BASTA GUSTO KO YUNG KINOCONVINCE AKONG MAHAL AKO O PINAPANGAKUAN AKONG SAFE AKO
31.d person u admire most (same sex)?

> HMMM…
32.y do u admire him/her(see number 31)?

> CAN’T COME UP WITH THE ‘MOST’ E
33.favorite radio program?

> 89.1

34.last question, how r u going 2 spend ursummer?

> WANT A VACATION!!! BADLY! GUSTO KONG MAGHIBERNATE TO THE VERY SENSE OF THE WORD PERO I STILL CANT ‘COZ DADDY’S ARRIVING ON SUNDAY NA AND STILL HAVE A CAMP TO PREPARE FOR. HAAAY… PAGOD NA KO… DI PA TALAGA KO NAGPAPAHINGA


Discoveries

As I mentioned, we are preparing for our youth camp. Yesterday, we went to Tagaytay to look for a venue. We left for Tagaytay minutes past 8am. We found venues that had good sleeping areas but no session halls. We discovered cheap campsites but with no sleeping areas, we would have to provide our own tents. We unearthed deserted resorts. We came across small time villas with rooms smelling anciently, fortunately it was booked on our desired date. We located a stiff retreat house but it was booked for April 29-May1. Until finally, we found SVD-Postulancy! Thank God!

And oh, on our little voyage a while ago, we uncovered Hacienda Isabella. It’s a vacation house owned by the diva, Kuh Ledesma. It was perfect for someone who would seek solitude. I swear! I love the house. It was the perfect vacation house for me. It was all white, with antiques, with high ceilings, with open glass windows, huge openings, and the perfect ambiance of peacefulness.

I though of posting the house's pictures but that would be unethical. Plus, I think I was not supposed to take shots of the place but the caretaker was new so she didn't mind, hehe

Another Discovery.

I was browsing through my “senti” boxes. I found my old “semstarter notes”, just like the one posted by honeypie in her blog. I found that she (not honeypie ha) gave me “charming.” We weren’t close so I'm givng myself a pick-me-up and think that she truly finds me “charming.” Hehe. I'm putting my feet up now.

INBOX

Received this text from my favorite app among her batch yesterday morning,

Mas mami2s k nmin, statsoc wont b d same w/o u.. Actually kulng p nga un cnulat q s tribute dami q p gus2 sbhn sau, bsta im rily hapi dat we bcame frends.!

I wasn’t able to reply. So, she resent it last night. Ain’t that the sweetest, she wanted to make sure I got it. It was sooo sincere of her.

Here are more of goodbye/thank you messages that was left saved in my inbox:

Jean:
Tenx 4 stepping in2 my lyf & being my FRIEND hoping wat we hav startd wil not change as tym goes by.. NO GudBYES!

Grace:
MRmg mRm p0ng sLmt s lht! NpkaBait nyo po tlga..…sobrang thank you! Ü syng po at grduatng n po kau.. sna mksma q p kau.. mahl n mhl q po kau! Ü God bless! Ü

Talplacido:
…..Ü kapg lumabas tyo minsan, aalagaan kta na prang bf mko! Way of saying tenkyu 4 evrytng uv done! Ü

skuL’s Lyk hell!u hav 2pas s2pd sbjCts,u hav 2go thru huundrds of eXms,u evn hv 2do h0mewrks! but stil, i thank God 4skul..y? shmpre, dun kta nkiLLA e.. Ü Ü Ü

Sum pipol r sPcial bcz of wt dy do. Bt ur sPcial bCz of hu u r & wt uV dAn 2me cz by js being urSLf, uV mdE oL d difrnce. Thnkz a lot! Ü

Kaw dn po lagi mgiingat! Ü bsta hnd tyo dpat mwalan ng c0munication! Mgprammis ka! Hehe.. Ü dpat tnagalan ko pa ung yakap ko syo nung cd no? Haay..

Jane:
Ate, Salamat tlga s tiwala..Totoo mamimiss ko kau paggraduate n kau..God bles..Ingat! Ü

Jing:
…..Im also happy having met sm1 lyk u. We’ll miss yah. Gudlak.

Tierra:
MyBitches. Maraming salamat sa lahat.Ang totoo,mejo kinabahan ako nung una,kasi 1st time na di south group ang kasama ko.Pero OK din pala kayo katrabaho…..Mahal ko kayo at mamimiss ko kayo ng todo-todo pagdating ng panahon ng di na tayo magkakasama*

Rosselle:
Tnx guys..s0brang namiss ko kaung lahat! Ü sleep 0ver tau samin one tym b4 mind0ro. Ü I l0ve all of u.. Ü c0ngrats satin lahat! Ü GODBLESS Ü

Mark Anthony:
…..d q tLg kya n mwALa ung frndxp nten.. LuvydubBy ate, mis u..

Chuck:
Thanks roan.. L c u n d real world n a wYL.. Galingan m0 HA?Mamimis ko fashion sens mo Ü DANCE Gruvsmo ÜBRAcesmoÜA PLEASURE HAVN U AS A FREND… Wag ka iyak Ü

Jo:
D ak mkakasama ate. Sowie…. Asa pr0vince na ko. I’L b missing y0u! Ü

Cess:
Awww. Thanx ate roan… Mas mamimiss ka namen! Basta required kau sa activities ng statsoc nx year! Hehe… Loveshoe po!

…..Miss n kita! Ü

I guess I would have to move on because college is OVER. I would be bringing with me sweet words, joyful and pleasant memories from the people who made college a 4-year worth remembering.

Prayers please…

A former sexy actress had a miscarriage this morning. She found out that her 7-week old fetus lost its heartbeat. It would have been her first child. She left the doctor’s office in tears.

We were terrified seeing the woman weeping because we were told that Mommy’s case is more dangerous than hers. Fortunately (and thank God), Mommy has not yet (Yet, because she is in a very critical stage) lost her baby. She has to take complete rest or else…

Whoever is reading this blog, please include my mommy in your prayers that she may keep her child and also the former actress that she may be given another chance to bear a child or at least take be strong enough to recognize God’s will.

Thanks in advance.

Reality Check!

I swear!!! I can’t stop crying. Tears kept on streaming down my face while viewing the tribute prepared by the other Statsocers. It was actually Mommy Arlene’s fault. She was sitting beside me, staring at my monitor as well, when pictures of the year that was went flying in and out. Then, she said, “Mamimiss mo yan. Iba na pag work, wala ka ng magiging friends. Meron man, paisa-isa na lang.” Huuuuwaaaaatttt???!!!!

My gas! I don’t want to work then. I am sure gonna miss StatSoc because serving as a BOD was truly enjoyable because of the warmth and affection I felt from the people around me.

I remember the scene early this afternoon, right after the induction of the new sets of UP StatSoc Board of Directors. I started jumping up and down as I realized that I am technically lifted from my responsibilities as a FinCom Chair. I screamed, “Mem na uli ako.” But then someone, retorted, “hindi ka kaya mem!.” And true enough, reality check. It will bever be the same. I may visit them, I may be a part or still witness some of their activities but I just won't be the same. I won't see them daily. I won't witness their growth. I won't be acquainted to all mems and will not get a chance to know the applicants at all. Because reality check, I am no longer a mem but an Alumna.

Humbled. I cried a lot today. I cried in Stat hallway. I cried inside the CR. I cried in Shakey’s, in David’s car and in every instant I receive text messages from my family. This is without doubt the situation (in the whole stretch of my 20 years) that has humbled me most. I was braggy and boastful for I was truly counting the chicks even before the eggs hatch. I swear, I have learned my lesson. And truly, I am humbled more than words can say. I swear! Daddy is the best! He was truly gentle with me. He did not accuse or blame me. He truly made me feel loved despite the disappointments I brought him. He was still willing to give me everything he offered me to have even if I don’t get to be a laude anymore. Btw, the scripture message for today is exactly what I wanted and needed to hear: You are blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the ONE most dear to you. – Matthew 5:4 But really Lord, help. Ang hirap mag-move on…

Could it be?

I made a lot of excuses. I delayed and laxed tons of time. I did all that in purpose just so they will not pick me anymore. But still, they did. Still, they trust me. Still, they have faith in me. Still, they chose me even if tonight’s meeting is the first meeting I have ever attended for 6 months. Yes, 6 months!

Could it be that God is leading me here? Could it be that this is where he truly wants me now? Could it be a calling? But, I am soooo scared, terrified to the umpteenth power. Lord, please, I can’t…

Plan B I was looking forward for our Bora trip. I was all so psyched about traveling on a cruise liner and finally setting foot on the white sands of Boracay. I already asked Tiepee to be my summer shopping buddy. I was preparing myself to walk and basically live with my stomach tucked in. I already said, “yes” to my dear yfc gals. I already got my permission from Daddy until this morning. I woke up with our helper greeting me with a message from mommy. She said, “Hold on to the ticket fare.” I sensed it coming. I knew that they would be seizing my permission to leave before graduation. And they did. They all conspired to it. They said that they have taken good care of me for the last 20 years and they just would not test fate now. They would not risk not seeing me march on the 22nd. Nobody was on my side. No matter how I beg, no matter how much I show them that I sooo need this trip, they just would not let me. Good thing, I have a plan b. I still would be out of the metro on the 11th. We’ll be going to the year-end party of StatSoc, which reminds me… I can’t hibernate yet. But today, is truly the first ever day that I am completely acad-worry free! Feels sooo good.

I lurve GMAIL!

Really.
Thanks for making it easy for me to attach emails.
Thank you for allowing me to extract attachments easier.
Thank you for accommodating a 10mb attachment.
Thank you for the 1gig limit.
Thank you for the comfort you have given me while doing my stat papers.
Thanks so much, you have no idea!

For those, who want to have their own gmail but have noone to invite them, lemme know. I’d be very happy to share with you the beauty of Gmail

***
Shouts to my dearest Blockada for helping me through college; for keeping me sane; for putting up with my inadequacies; for understanding my absence; for keeping track with my acads; for all the libre; for the comfort I have when commuting with you; for being my soundboards; for being sooo sweet and loving. You, gals, are without doubt – the BEST! Please…I'm begging, let us never cut our communication lines.

Thing for Bad Boys

I love, love, love Hayden Christensen!
I had a major crush on him during StarWars. And now, it all came back as I watched Life is a House. He was a bad boy. He had too many piercing. He listens to extremely loud music. He loves to deviate. He is rebellious. He was tough but inside one can find a soft spot. He’s role as Anakin was the same. Plus, who can resist such expressive eyes!!!.

I also love Eminem!
He loves rap. He swears a lot in his songs. He cares not about the opinions of other people. He rebels. He is unafraid to speak out. But behind that sturdy appearance and personality lies a very loving father. I swear, you should listen to the songs he dedicates to his daughter.

My ex was a bad boy too.
Not bad, bad boy. He was arrogant, conceited, and overconfident. But even if a lot of people hated him, he was truly loved by his family to whom he is willing to devote his whole life to. I loved this side of him, the other side, never mind, hehe joke

I really like man with a stance of a bad boy. I want a man who would try to control me. I want a man who would make me shut up and listen. I want a man who is tough outside but can be just as sweet. I want a hard-to-get man. Coz basically, I want a protector not that I can’t take care of myself. But really, I want someone who makes me feel secure. I want someone who would not let go of my hand. I want a MAN.